The Importance of Boundaries

Empathy is so important in a marriage for improving it’s health and emotional connectivity in the relationship, but can be useless without boundaries. It is important to balance out good, compassionate communication with healthy, robust personal boundaries. Sometimes when a couple is improving their empathic communication, one person in the relationship may still struggle with lashing out in anger when emotions are high. They may use manipulation, ultimatums, or threats to get their way. It is imperative that the other spouse is wise and thoughtful in how they communicate and employ healthy boundaries in the relationship to improve the quality of the communication in the relationship. Boundaries promote independence, respect, and emotional health in a relationship. Like the saying, “Good fences make great neighbors,” boundaries enhance emotional intimacy.

Thinking Through Setting Boundaries

The first thing you want to do in implementing robust boundaries in the way you communicate with each other is to think of the situations where you feel your spouse is already transgressing the proposed boundaries. Think about how you want those scenarios to change. Secondly, think through what you actually want to tell them. It is important to share your proposed boundary in a persuasive, calm, and compassionate way. Third, take ten seconds to be brave enough to share that boundary at a time when your spouse will actually listen to you. It is a good idea to not share the boundary in the heat of the moment initially. Think of times when you are both at lower emotional baseline level. Fourth, being able to reinforce that boundary in the moment that is able to exhibit your love to your spouse but to also be firm and at ease.

Anger is a Sign

As your spouse may struggle with their anger, it is important to remember anger is a secondary emotion. There is always a deeper and more relatable emotion under that anger, usually the emotions of sadness or fear. Anger can move from a scary fire to a signal light indicating they are feeling vulnerable emotions. Therapy will be necessary for spouses that struggle with anger. Part of mastering anger is to become more comfortable with identifying, feeling, and expressing their vulnerable emotions.

In closing, empathy and compassionate communication is a great tool and are enhanced by boundaries. Boundaries allow what is important to thrive and not get trampled. Exclusivity in a relationship is also a necessary boundary that can promote trust, belonging, and security.

Boundaries help to place healthy limits in relationships allowing both people to grow and respect each other more.

Here is a video describing empathy.
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